A Lesson in Sharing: A Beginner’s Guide to Ethiopian Dining Etiquette

If you find yourself always going to the same restaurants, the waiters there know your name and you’ve learned the menu by heart, then the verdict is: you are in a dining rut. It is certainly the time for you to experience something new and excitingly different and what better place for that than an Ethiopian restaurant that conveys the warmth and zest of an ancient culture dating back more than 3000 years. Ethiopian dining is an experience. When you have dinner in an Ethiopian home or restaurant, you literally eat the tablecloth!

            For those of you who dare to take the challenge, here are some pointers as to what to expect:

            The facts: Ethiopian food includes tastes and aromas we don’t typically encounter. No utensils are used while dining and food is served on a communal platter. The Coptic Church, the dominant religious sect in Ethiopia since the fourth century, dictates many food customs. There are fast days when meat is prohibited, and pork is never permitted. The hand-washing ceremony before and after meals is a religious ritual. Ethiopian cuisine is spicy and savory but never sweet.  

            The real thing: In an Ethiopian home, one or two of the guests are seated on a low divan and a mesab, a handmade wicker hourglass-shaped table with a domed cover, is set before them. The other guests are then seated around the table on stools about eight inches high. A woman carries a long-spouted copper ewer in her right hand, a copper basin in her left hand and a towel over her left arm. She pours warm water over the fingers of each person’s right hand, holding the basin to catch the excess, and you wipe your hands on the towel that hangs over her arm. When the dome is removed, the mesab is covered with what looks like a gray cloth, however it is not a tablecloth at all. It is the injera, the sourdough pancake-like bread of Ethiopia. When the entire injera is covered with an assortment of stews, you tear off a piece about two or three inches and use it to "roll" the food in. Your host might pop the first little "roll" in your mouth for you. The woman returns with individual long-necked bottles from which you drink tej, an amber-colored honey wine. It is put on a little table close by. Or she may bring a weakly carbonated water, or tella, the home-made beer. Traditional meals are chicken wat and lamb wat—two peppery stews; iab—cottage cheese and yogurt with special herbs giving it a sharp lemon flavor; and kitfo—ground raw beef, which is considered the dessert of the meal. No other dessert is served. Coffee comes in on a tray in tiny Japanese-style cups served black with sugar. Dinner is concluded with hand-washing again and incense is burned.

            The restaurant experience: The food is served on a communal platter on top of the spongy injera and is scooped up with bits of it. The injera is usually 20 inches in diameter, about the size of a large pizza. It is made from fermented teff, a tiny, nutritious cereal grain, and is baked on one side, therefore porous on one side and flat on the other. Typically, the meal consists of various vegetables, meat entrées and side dishes. The custom is to eat with the right hand so the flat side of the injera is placed in the palm of the right hand and the porous side is used to collect food. Another beautiful mealtime tradition is “Goorsha”, the act of feeding a family member or dear friend. This act is a display of affection, respect and honor. To perform “Goorsha”, smile warmly as you scoop up some food with injera and gently place it in your companion’s mouth.

            While it is very unlikely to eat this cuisine gracefully, sharing Ethiopian food with another person would do wonders in tearing down barriers, so if you are adventurous, Ethiopian restaurants are a fantastic idea for a date. They are also great for vegetarians as there is a plethora of unique Ethiopian spices, grains and vegetables such as turnip, red lentils and capsicum. If you’re willing to venture out of your comfort zone and try an Ethiopian restaurant, you’ll find some of the best-tasting and healthiest foods you’ll ever eat.

Metamorphosis

         /Published in Exquisite Corpse, July 2006/

I lie on the bare ground and try to remember how to breathe this kind of air. The kind that carries a whisper of melancholy and nostalgia. The kind that tells  you secrets you don’t want to know. It’s been so long. Almost eternity.  And I have travelled so far away from everything that matters. This was supposed to be  my salvation. I was supposed to cry and become human again. But the mute serenity of  the cemetery no longer affects the little girl, for now she is just a distant echo of what I've  become. I remember everything so vividly. It has been reeling in front of my mind’s eye  day after day, my whole life. Like the credits of a movie that’s already over. The colours  have faded away, though, leaving me with the yellowed picture of my interrupted  childhood. I remember being curled up in a chair, foetus-like, rocking myself back  and forth, searching for answers, my little head not capable of grasping a concept so cruel.  I remember our house full of people, waiting quietly for something inevitable.  I remember the agonized faces; my mum's sunken, acquiesced eyes. The screeching  silence. Nobody daring to ask for their money back -- the money my parents had  been borrowing for medical treatments. All kinds. I remember asking, “Mum, is  Tony going to die?” I also remember the comfort of her reassuring words.  A child’s trust is implicit. It never occurred to me then to question my mother’s promise. I wasn’t there when it all started. I was simply born into it. I remember leukemia just  being part of our lives. It is the most common childhood cancer, they say.  But you never get used to that kind of common. It starts in the child’s blood or bone  marrow, the white blood cells demanding more and more of the little body’s nutrition.  I remember my brother, either feeling all right, giving us all a spark of hope, or gone --  gone in faraway hospitals in the bigger cities of our small country. I remember my  parents becoming frantic when noticing a familiar symptom; my mum rushing around  the house, packing up bags for another trip. I always stayed with my grandparents.  I remember Tony’s absence. I remember being mad at him for not being there to  protect me from the teasing of the neighbourhood older kids. I remember his arms  blue from the needles, the dark circles around his big eyes, his bravery my parents still  talk about, never whining or complaining at the sight of hospitals, syringes, or big pills.  And to think I still can’t take big pills; I'm afraid they’re going to get stuck in my throat.  I remember visiting all types of psychics and healers. I watched my parents’  transformation from agnostics to believers, their faith— a fragile but unrelenting blade  of grass, blown in all directions by the wind of life. A radioactive cloud swept across Europe after the disaster in Ukraine. On April 25, 1986,  ironically, while a new safety system was being installed, the core of Chernobyl’s nuclear  reactor #4 exploded. Central and Eastern Europe received high amounts of radiation.  The Swedes were forced to throw out thousands of gallons of milk each day, because  it was unfit for consumption. But the worst was the increase of cancer cases, many of  them babies. It happened that same year, a few months later. A mother’s instinct is  unmistakable; a week before Tony died my mum dressed us up and took us to the photo  shop. The photograph still hangs on the wall in the living room. I remember standing in  the corners of the room looking at our picture from different angles, my brother’s eyes  always meeting mine. His face, slightly swollen from medication, but still beautifully  peaceful and radiant, glowed with childlike innocence. In my home town the tolling of church bells marks another death, notifies of another loss.  I remember hearing it that day. I remember knowing and the disappointment. The  custom of wearing black for at least a year is an unavoidable reminder of your misery.  Like you could forget! Tony was getting better, and then Chernobyl had to happen,  killing the last breath of hope, poisoning the bodies of children with radiation and stifling  their immune systems. We need gods and idols. We need something to believe in. But  how do you tell that little boy who is lying in a hospital, whose head is bald and body  attached to small round electrodes, tubes, monitors, pumps, respirators, how do you  tell him that God loves him? So now, twenty-one years later I stare at my brother’s massive bed of marble,  thinking of the many lives I've had, and the many times I’ve died. I want to cry, but  I can't. Maybe it’s because I've covered my wounds with the veil of pretentious vigour  and ambition. I moved to a faraway land, the land of unlimited opportunities, to be lost  among the crowds and forget. And now that I am back home, visiting the museum of  my untimely maturity, I start remembering the questions that I once tucked deep inside  of me. How do you become stronger than your parents when you are only five?  How do you convince them you’re enough for them to live and not give up?  How do you give them all the joy they used to get before?  They don’t teach you that in school.

IF

If I put this flower in your hand, would you preserve it?

Would you care for it, and nourish it,

And make sure it does not wither?

If I told you what I think, would you listen?..

And promise not to laugh?..

Consider my opinion, and not discount it?

If I showed you where I’ve been, would you come with me?..

And help me live through it again?

Would you accept it and not pass judgment?

If I were someone else, would you like me better?..

Or try to change me back?

And if I lost my way, would you look for me? Would you miss me?

If I only dared put this flower in your hand…

Going Home

                                                                                                            

        You are so far above your life. Everything you know is getting smaller by the minute. You’re in the middle of something you don’t understand. Your entire life put into terms you can’t define. Sky. It’s all over the place. Right now, it’s all there is.

         The stewardess strolling up and down the aisle, calm and confident, comfortable with her own ignorance.

         A compact community sharing nothing but a destination. A stranger next to you feeling good about dumping his load of a life story on you. Expecting justification and empathy. Seeking the comfort of strangers.

         Where you’re going is the past you left behind, now waiting for you, so it can mock the future you chose, the future that never happened. Set foot on motherland and it’ll devour you. It’s nothing but quicksand. You’re destined to be a failure and to realize one’s destiny is a person’s only obligation. The entire universe conspires in helping you achieve it.

         In your head a whirlwind of jagged memories and thoughts. Your luggage is a knapsack of belongings, the only proof you’re not a ghost.

         The plane is landing and all you can think of is crashing into pieces. It’s a mini mayhem on the plane. People grabbing their stuff, fussing around, talking on their cell phones, coming out of their mental seclusion.

         The guy can’t attach the ramp stairs to the plane. He pulls forward, then backs up and you know he’s drunk. This is your country after all. And he’s probably a decent guy. The stairs are finally on and after that much of a wait, it feels like walking down the red carpet. The whole little plane community scatters, going about their own business. Boris goes through security and first thing he’s asked is how much money he’s brought with him. It’s not random people that get mugged here. In this country everything’s interconnected. Synergy at its best. Paranoia, the best kind of awareness.

         You walk out of the airport and the air tastes bitter sweet. It’s a place that embraces you a little too tight. Uninvited memories start popping out of oblivion. You’ve got the look of a tourist, backpack and all. Backpacking through your future in the past. And you’d thought your grammar teacher was an idiot.

Reality Check

REALITY CHECK /Published in The Collegian, January 2008/

Interpreter of Maladies. Jhumpa Lahiri. Mariner Books / Houghton Mifflin Company, 1999. 198 pp. $ 12.00

          In an age of individualism and competitiveness, emails connecting people and when family is no longer a unit, but a collection of units coming and going on separate schedules, Jhumpa Lahiri’s Interpreter of Maladies is a poignant dose of reality, which evokes an emotional response in the reader by exposing the abstraction of people’s frenzied everyday lives.

          Interpreter of Maladies is a compilation of short stories dedicated to little, everyday tragedies, ordinary achievements and the magnificent quality of the commonplace. Lahiri concerns herself with the things from life that are closest to us, and through her characters’ experiences, she conveys a sense of urgency for love and happiness.

          All of the stories in the book, except for the very last one, are written from a third-person’s point of view. The narrator appears objective, but at the same time very close to the characters. This element enables the reader to see and understand every character’s perspective, empathize with them all and refrain from passing judgments. Along the way, we almost forget that the accounts are in third person, for we have gradually developed deep compassion for the people in the stories.

          In the opening story, “A Temporary Matter,” Lahiri’s characterization is vivid and eloquently delivered. Little details contribute to create a coherent picture of the lives that the characters live. Their habits, flaws and weaknesses make them remarkably human and so alive. We understand Shoba’s ennui who “pried the sneakers from her feet without untying them.” We clearly visualize Shukumar who “ran his tongue over the tops of his teeth; he’d forgotten to brush them that morning.” The ending in “A Temporary Matter” is one that’s unexpected and touching. We, the readers, find ourselves disappointed, not in a sense that we don’t like the ending, but in a personal, moving way. We are saddened because we’ve come to know these two characters so well, we’ve rooted for them throughout the story and we’ve genuinely wanted them to be happy.

          In “Sexy,” the loneliness that exists in the main character’s life is palpable. Lahiri has depicted her daily routines and little joys with such exactness and proficiency that the reader obtains a three-dimensional image of Miranda. The details that the author weaves into the story speak better than any classic descriptions: “He was the first to bring her a bouquet of flowers so immense she’d had to split it up into all six of her drinking glasses...”

          “Mrs. Sen’s” is written from a third-person’s point of view, however Lahiri has shown us her main character, Mrs. Sen, in an ingenious, adept manner as she has described her the way the eleven-year-old boy, Eliot, sees her. The author has expertly implemented dialogue in order to illustrate her characters:

          “Why do you do that?” Eliot asked.

          “To see how many pieces. If I cut properly, from this fish I will get three meals.”

The last story of the collection, “The Third and Final Continent,” is the only one told in a first person’s point of view, but what is even more interesting is that it’s written from the opposite sex’s perspective. The narrative reads almost like a memoir and has authentic qualities. The ending contains internal action and thought. It has a conclusion typical for an essay, in which the main character reflects upon the changes that have occurred in their life.

          It is very easy to get drawn into a world of grandiose plots and larger-than-life, multi-psyche fictional characters, and to overlook the simple things in life that Lahiri has beautifully observed in her Interpreter of Maladies.  Reading these short stories reconnects us to our fundamental human core, makes us reconsider our reactions to mundane everyday routines and reminds us to cherish the interactions with the people we love.